Manifestation of Microaggressions

Yesterday morning, I was getting ready to go to the farmers market. The plan was to drive there, leave my room mate with the car, and bike home. As I was loading my bike into the car, I had Amos on the leash (but not holding it very tight), and a man with a pit bull walked by. Now I have reason to suspect that this pit bull is used as a fighting dog. I have seen it around the neighborhood on numerous occasions, and it always has new cuts and injuries. Anyhow, Amos pulled free of me, and ran over to greet/play with the dog. The dog attacked him. Amos naturally fought back. The owner was screaming all sorts of profanities at me, including calling me a f-ing c u next tuesday. Between my dog being attacked and being called abhorrent names, I saw red and screamed back at the guy telling him that he shouldn't even have a pit bull in Denver - as they are ILLEGAL. I got Amos's leash and we walked briskly in the other direction.

The entire day I was fuming partially at the dog owner, partially at the situation, and partially at my reaction to the owner. The owner was latino, and obviously of lesser education and lower socio-economic background than myself. Would he have been screaming at me if I were not white and privileged? Would I have screamed at him if he were from the same background as myself? I was sickened by myself and how I kept going over the racial stereotypes - and found myself laughing later that day when I drove by a beat up rusted out 2 door sports car, with a latina woman driving - the car had a bumper sticker with the outline of a pit bull head and it said "if it ain't pit it it ain't shit". It embodied the stereotype of I had been fuming about all day. Which of course leads me to question, is it people of power that force minorities into that stereotype?

When the end of the day came, I decided that I would have screamed at the dog owner no matter what his race or class because I have absolutely zero tolerance for animal mistreatment, nor do I have any tolerance for being called a c u next tuesday.

Multi cultural is making me think... about everything I do, think and say. Oh yeah, and Amos is ok.

Who Let The Crazies In???

I entered my MSW program with the assumption/expectation that I was going to be surrounded by mature, emotionally stable and developed people. The biggest lesson that I learned during the first week of classes was that this was not necessarily true. There is great diversity of emotional and social development among students and faculty alike.

In a small discussion with some people in my "Social Work Practice Lab" (which is basically an intro to clinical class), I divulged that I was, and have been in therapy. It was pertinent to the conversation and it's not something I'm ashamed of, nor did I divulge WHY I'm in therapy. One of my classmates took my openness as an invitation to deluge all her issues to me. Initially, I was just thinking "woah, this woman has boundary issues", but then later she accosted me about my weight - wanting me to commiserate with her on weight loss, and her very Americanized weight management views (which I'm simply not willing to do). When I refused very politely but firmly to engage in that conversation, she told me I was in denial about my weight, and nastily retorted "I hope you have a nice weekend" and stormed off.

My professor for History of Social Welfare class is another person who will force me to maintain my center. In addition to teaching, she is heavily involved with Shapedown - a program for overweight kids and their families at The Children's Hospital. As a former client of Shapdown, I have unbelievably strong oppositional feelings towards the program. I developed bulimia during that program, and it would not surprise me to hear that I was not the only kid who developed an eating disorder during that program. It was apparent to me that my professor has, at the very least, disordered restrictive eating.

Its an interesting revelation that observation of other people's psychological states allowed me to more clearly understand where I am in my own process. The more I understand about myself and where I am, the better I think I'm going to be able to listen with compassion and empathy, and work with people through their own processes.

Oppression

I've always hated the word. Through the first week of my MSW readings, I have encountered it more often than I thought possible - were talking nearly every line in some readings. My initial reaction contained a lot of guilt and resistance. Am I in for 2 years of forced self flagellation due to my class race and culture?
As I continued into the readings, intermittently shouting rants at my dog (as he was the only one who would listen) I began to realize that I was thinking critically! Hold the reins there a sec... They tricked me! Before I knew it I was redefining "oppression" to myself, identifying both the oppressor and the oppressed within myself. I became aware of the emerging concept that this was not to be an experience of degradation and remorse but to lead me to better understand my origins, and those of others: you can not adequately understand client systems without first understanding the oppressed and oppressor within yourself.